Thursday, April 01, 2010

Zombie Literature banned by U.S. Supreme Court

Below are some snippets from the L.A. Daily (Lapeer Area Daily Newspaper). The article from the newspaper deals with the surprising Supreme Court decision to ban zombie literature:

...In an unexpected pronouncement, a unanimous decision by the highest court in the land called for the immediate banning of all fiction "associated or related to the walking dead, undead, or commonly termed 'zombies'."

No one in Washington is commenting on this startling ruling. All members of the U.S. Supreme Court have refused to discuss the issue. This silence extends to Congress and all the way to the President himself. One inside source revealed, "there is a growing concern about zombies in politics. Not to say that all politicians are zombies, but quite often they share some of the traits of the undead, and don't want to be mistaken for one by overly zealous fans of the genre." The insider went on to explain that there is a general fear among politicians and the corporate elite of being attacked, mistakenly, for being a zombie. The insider also revealed that vampires are next on the Supreme Court's targeted list.

Locally, the decision drew attention by several university professors. While none were willing to have their names printed, at least one agreed to offer some insight:

"Washington's fear of being mistaken for zombies is decades old. Mostly it was due to unfortunate timing. George Romero released the cult classic, 'Dawn of the Dead,' and soon the Reagan administration was under fire with charges of being zombies. Naturally, the glassy-eye gaze of President Reagan, and what some termed 'voodoo economics' didn't help the image.

The fear has continued ever since then, culminating with several Congresses that seem to be unable to make decisions, or find their way back to D.C. But this problem isn't limited to the U.S. political system. Every day in the halls of my university, I come face to face with zombies. Blank-faced students, seemingly asleep, yet able to walk, and text one another. They moan and grunt and groan when asked questions, and randomly lift their hands in the air when no question is asked. On several occasions, I have covertly taken their temperatures, only to find they were no higher than room temperature - which can be in the hundreds at a Michigan university in June or September.

Personally, I see this as a growing threat, but one that doesn't need to have all literature on the subject be banned. Clearly, the Supreme Court is trying to hide something, if not themselves, from the public eye. It is important that everyone be aware of how to identify a zombie, and how to avoid contact or stop an attack. Banning the literature is moving in the wrong direction. In these desperate times, the public needs more of such literature. This growing threat is moving from every direction. Fast food restaurants, schools and colleges, hospitals, local and nation-wide politics. It is obvious there is an overthrow in progress, and the U.S. is shambling into that revolution with the walking dead leading the charge.


David L. McAfee said...

April Fool's!

William Jones said...

Hmmm. Good point. :)

Rick said...

This was too real to be a joke!